


His Mother's Son

by sbarmarj



Series: Parenthood, or Something Like It [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Kid Fic, Secret kid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-16
Updated: 2016-03-11
Packaged: 2018-05-21 04:03:56
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 20,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6037318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sbarmarj/pseuds/sbarmarj
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve Rogers always thought that parenting would be rewarding. He had never thought about it’s more tedious aspects, like trying to stop an ten year old from cursing. Not that Sean was his kid, but sitting with a ten year old in a diner, eating cinnamon toast, and drinking a chocolate shake had become the most normal and enjoyable part of Steve's life. </p><p>Steve Rogers, chocolate shakes, a precocious kid, and some long talks about life, love and baseball.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> unbeta'd. Let me know if you catch any mistakes. I always appreciate it!

Steve had a soldier’s sixth sense for when he was being watched.

He casually leaned away from the counter and stretched out his back. His neck appreciated the break and Steve was able to quickly catalog the other diner customers. There weren’t many at three thirty on a Thursday afternoon, even in Manhattan, and his eyes immediately settled on the kid sitting three seats down from him at the counter who was staring at him. The kid didn’t look away, but he did shrug his shoulders in a slight, silent apology for staring. Steve tilted his head in acknowledgement and turned back to his sketchbook.

He knew it was a horrible idea to let his feelings settle on the page in graphite lines and curves. Her graceful neck, confident gaze, and exquisite limbs all called to the artist in Steve. Hell, her whole body called to his in a way that had nothing to do with Steve being an artist and everything to do with him being a man. If it was just physical, he could have swam through his attraction to her and reached indifference, but Maria Hill’s intelligence, competency, humor, and loyalty kept dragging him into deeper emotions.

His sketchbook offered no reprieve from Maria, so Steve closed it and discreetly studied the kid at the counter. Steve vaguely remembered him entering the diner a few minutes before, mostly only because the kid came in by himself. He looked about ten with pale skin, dark brown hair, and big blue eyes behind bigger glasses. He was wearing a dignified dark gray school uniform, and a very large and very obnoxiously colored Ironman backpack.

Steve had been ready to step in if the kid was lost or needed help, but the kid seemed fine and he greeted Doris like an old friend. Steve wasn’t one to judge, and he and Bucky had certainly been left to their own devices at his age. Bucky’s parents had too many kids to pay attention to what each one was up to, and Steve’s mom struggled to pay the rent and put food on the table. She didn’t spend as much time with Steve as she wanted to and there wasn’t anyone else to watch him or money to pay someone, but parents now seemed to dislike letting their children have any freedom.

“Waiting for your mom?” Steve couldn’t help but overhear Doris talking to the kid.

“Yes, ma’am,” the kid answered politely.

Doris smiled at his manners and asked, “The usual?”

“Yes, please.” Doris nodded and put the ticket up for the kitchen before moving to check on the customers in the corner booth.

Steve glanced over at the kid, interested by the military precision of his answers, but the kid was still just a normal child. He had taken a large textbook out of his backpack and started chewing absentmindedly on a pencil and reading over a worksheet.

Several minutes later Doris placed a small frothy chocolate milk shake and cinnamon toast in front of the kid. This time there was nothing accidental about Steve’s eavesdropping.

“Thanks, Ms. Christensen.”

“It is Doris.”

“Of course… Ms. Christensen.”

Doris laughed at the kid’s cheeky, but perfectly polite, answer before she walked over to Steve.

“Anything else for you soldier?”

“Just the bill.”

* * *

 

Steve was sitting in the same place at the counter the second time the kid came into the diner. This time he was wearing a grass stained soccer uniform and his hair was mussed from wind and sun. He still had the huge glasses and the Ironman backpack, though.

“How was practice?” Doris asked with sincere interest.

Steve was deliberately listening to their conversation. It wasn’t really polite, but Steve missed normal New Yorkers, not that New Yorkers were ever normal, but the kid and Doris lived in a world Steve missed.

The kid answered in a rush, “Good. Coach said I am going to start this weekend. Mom thinks that she should make the game.” The kid tried to downplay his excitement, but it was as clear as the sun was bright that he was thrilled that his mom would be there.

Steve wished that his mother had seen him once in his uniform. She had always believed in him, but she had never had her faith confirmed.

“Lets hope there aren’t anymore alien invasions,” Doris teased.

Doris’s tone was light, but the kid grimaced anyway and replied, “Or stupid, butt-face Nazis.”

The kid seemed a little young for the level of anger he managed, but Steve had to agree with the kid. Steve had had his fill of stupid, butt-face Nazis too.

“Watch your language, young man.” Doris’s reprimand was gentle, but firm. Steve smiled since for once he wasn’t the one who had to deal with rolled eyes and juvenile reactions when someone was told to clean up their language.

“Well, they are butt-faces.” The kid said it with absolute conviction and a heap of defiance. “And mean. But mostly stupid because they made my mom mad…and they hurt people and that’s what butt-faces do.”

Steve knew it was a simplification of Hydra, but he was pretty inclined to agree with the kid—they were stupid mean Nazis, but being true didn’t make it okay to call them names.

Doris shrugged off commenting on the kid’s anger and moved on, “Well, your mom is going to be mad if you don’t get started on your homework. Do you want the usual?”

“Yes, please.”

Steve waited until Doris was out of earshot before he spoke.

“Kid, Nazis are stupid, butt-faces.” The kid locked eyes, with Steve and Steve knew beyond a doubt the kid was trying to mask his fear of Hydra with anger. Steve made sure the kid was listening before he continued. “But mostly they are bullies and name calling is the tool of a bully.”

The kid didn’t say anything. He chewed on his lower lip for several long seconds before he spoke, “I don’t want to be a bully.”

* * *

 The next time Steve saw the kid at the diner, he was already sitting at the counter sipping his chocolate milkshake with a plate of cinnamon toast, but no homework in front of him.

Steve had hurried out of the Tower, and forgotten his sketchbook as a result. Now he regretted that he let Maria chase him out so quickly. Instead of his regular seat, he took the one next to the kid. Steve’s not really sure why he did it, but as long as he was feeling so out of sorts he might as well keep breaking old patterns.

The kid gave him a polite nod, but his attention was on the ballgame that was on the radio. Steve first chose this diner over the trendy coffee shops, and classy bars that were near the Tower because Doris refused to put up TVs. He could forgive her for being a Yankees fan because she insisted that the only way to experience a game if you weren’t in the stadium was over the radio.

When the bottom of the first inning ended, the kid turned to Steve, “You want a piece of toast?”

The kid emphasized the offer by pushing the plate towards Steve.

“Thanks, kid, but I don’t want to impose,” replied Steve.

The kid shrugged, “Mom says cinnamon toast makes the world a little better. And you look like you could use it. And she promised I could get two Shake Shack dogs at the game. Tim said he ate THREE last time he went to a Mets game so I don’t want to ruin my appetite. You’re doing me a favor.”

Steve couldn’t help but smile at the kid’s logic and he did take a piece of toast. Something about the first bite of spice, sweet, and crunch was soothing. He flagged down Doris and ordered more toast and a chocolate milkshake too. The kid didn’t say anything, but his grin was pretty damn loud.

Steve relaxed into his seat and listened to the top of the second inning. It was the Mets, but at least they were playing the Cubs. The kid must have been waiting for his mom to finish work so they could head to the ballpark.

Steve couldn’t help but think back to the conversation that drove him out of the Tower. He understood Maria’s point, but after weeks of searching for Bucky in the Balkans, and a credible lead Steve wanted to head out immediately. He didn’t want to care about the loyal agents that needed extraction. Maria couldn’t order him to assist the remains of SHIELD since she wasn’t his commander anymore. No, she could only ask for his help and hope his sense of responsibility still ran true.

Maria wasn’t the type to cajole or beg. She said her piece and that was that, and if Steve was being honest it was one of the many reasons he found her so compelling. But, he hadn’t liked it today when she had asked for his help and refused to let him look away. Her eyes trapped him just like the ice.

“Where is your sketchbook?”

The kid’s voice pulled Steve back to the diner.

“I forgot it at home,” he explained.

The bottom of the second started and the kid clearly refused to speak during play, but he reached for his backpack and rummaged around before he found what he was looking for in it. He handed Steve several handouts—mostly science, it looked like his class was studying the solar system—and a couple of pencils. Steve reflexively took the papers and noticed that each was neatly labeled “Sean H. R.” at the top, before he realized that they were all blank on one side.

It was a fast half inning: three up, three outs with less than ten pitches thrown total. As soon as the ads came on the kid piped up. “Mr. Jenkins messed up with the copier so they aren’t double sided like normal.”

Steve nodded, “Thanks, but aren’t they your homework?”

“Already turned them in. They got handed back today.” The kid pointed to red marks on the top of each assignment. Most are perfect, but he missed a question or two on a few.

“It looks like you did real good. You should show your mom.” Steve said.

“She’ll understand that I was helping out a friend.”

“I’m Steve, by the way.” Steve offered his hand as he spoke. The kid took it, and returned his greeting with a firm shake that was beyond his years.

“Sean, but you already figured that out.” The kid--Sean--said as he released Steve’s hand. He had noticed Steve glancing over the worksheets when Sean first handed them to him.

Sean’s smile was conspiratorial and it made Steve remember how sustaining it was to have a friend. Steve was going to say something but the third inning started and he knew by now that conversation would have to wait until the top of the inning was over.

Right as the second out was called, a routine line drive to the shortstop, the game was drowned out by Sean’s cell phone ringing with some loud song that Steve recognized from Tony’s workshop. Sean picked it up immediately.

“Hi, Mom… Cool! I’ll met you at the corner…Love you too.”

“Got to go. Mom is finally done with work. We are going to try and make it to a few innings.” Steve hadn’t gotten a good view of Sean’s t-shirt before, but now that the kid has jumped off his stool, Steve saw the Chicago Cubs’ logo.

“Have a good time. Thanks for the paper and pencils.”

“You’re welcome. See you next time."

* * *

A few days later Steve was in the diner again. There were things that he could’ve been doing, but he found himself spending the afternoon sketching and shooting the breeze with Doris. Each time the door swung open Steve glanced up.

The eleventh time it was Sean at the door. This time Sean took the seat next to Steve. The kid grinned when he saw that Steve had a chocolate shake and a plate of cinnamon toast.

Steve grinned back too. Sitting here with a ten year old, eating cinnamon toast, and drinking a chocolate shake had become the most normal and enjoyable part of his life.

“Sorry about the Cubs.”

Steve had stayed and listened to the whole game and helped Doris close up. Things had gone well until the bottom of the seventh, when the Cubs’ infield and bullpen had imploded. Adding salt to the wound, their bats went silent for the rest of the night too.

“It’s the Cubs. Mom says it’s okay to love a baseball team that disappoints you.”

Doris appeared while Steve was thinking and Sean ordered his usual and waited for Doris to leave before he spoke to Steve.

“Cinnamon toast and chocolate shakes are a panacea for life, including the Cubs being the Cubs.”

“I don’t think that I knew what panacea meant when I was ten.” Steve’s not sure that he knew what it meant now, but he was keeping that to himself.

“I’m eleven.”

Steve made a mental note to remember since the kid seems bothered by Steve’s mistake. Steve used to get frustrated too when people assumed he was younger than he was because of his small stature. Now…well, now no one was ever going to get his age right.

“It is one of my vocab words this week.” The kid pulled out a sheet of paper with a list of words in English on one side, and maybe Mandarin on the other.

“See.” Sean pointed to Panacea, noun: a solution or remedy for all difficulties or diseases. It was after nonchalant and followed by saunter in the list.

“My spelling lists in sixth grade were a little less…advance. And I definitely didn’t have any words in another language. Is that Mandarin?”

Steve figured that Sean’s parents had money. His school uniform was understated in only a way that people with money liked. Well, people that weren’t Tony. Plus, last time, Steve had discreetly watched Sean at the corner until a nondescript black town car pulled up and the kid climbed into it.

Before the ice, the only time that Steve heard Chinese was when he wandered through Chinatown with Bucky when they were suppose to be at school. Now, it was a language people wanted to speak. It was like French when Steve was growing up. Pepper spoke Mandarin, or at least enough, to exchange pleasantries with Chinese business people.

Maria spoke it with ease and fluency and was expert enough that she use to negotiated on behalf of SHIELD without a translator. She was just as fluent in Spanish and Arabic, though she was too self-contained to bring up her language skills. Steve had been impressed the first time he watched her conduct a trilingual conversation with more pose than he could manage speaking English.

“Yeah. We use to live in China. Mom chose my school because of its Mandarin program. Dad thinks it’s stupid to spend so much money on my school, especially since it doesn’t have a sports program”

Steve nodded because it seemed like the thing to do. He had just gone to the school around the corner like the rest of the kids in the old neighborhood.

Sean didn’t notice that Steve was lost in his thoughts, or if he did he was too polite to mention it. Instead Sean asked, “Steve?” Sean sounded hopeful, but also shy for the first time. Steve gave him a kind smile filled with encouragement. “Will you help me with my homework? I am suppose to have a conversation with someone using my vocab words.”

“I don’t speak Mandarin.”

“Mom can do those with me. Anyway this is just for the English words.”

“Sure. Let’s see.” Steve looked at the list. “You are way more nonchalant about living in China than I would be.”

* * *

 Steve wasn’t expecting to see Sean in the diner. It was a Wednesday morning, a little before eleven, and the diner was dead when Sean walked in. Steve wasn’t sure, but he didn’t think that this was a normal time for school to be out of session.

Before Sean took the seat next to him, Steve saw his bruised knuckles and red, wet eyes behind his glasses.

“What happened, buddy? Is everything okay?” Steve knew he sounded concerned and parental, but he couldn’t help it and he didn’t really care. Sean normally exuded contained curiosity, quiet confidence, and mischievous intelligence, but right now the kid was deflated and Steve didn’t like it.

“Nothing.”

Steve didn’t believe him, but he also didn’t call the kid out for the fib. Instead he flagged down Doris and ordered for Sean. The kid didn’t say anything else. He just forlornly studied his hurt knuckles.

Steve had been annoyed when Maria stood him up for the debriefing, which was unusual, but now he was happy that he happened to be in the diner when Sean showed up. Steve couldn’t remember another time that Maria missed a scheduled face-to-face. According to her assistant it was a last minute family emergency. Steve had been taken aback by the proof that Maria had a life outside the job.

He had wondered before, but her office was barren, she never talked about friends, and she was always available when the Avengers needed her. Clint seemed to know her the best, and he never mentioned anything about Maria that was mildly personal, other than to say she was a crack shot and a bit of a mother hen. Maria shifted from SHIELD to SI without losing any momentum or competence and Steve had figured it was because her job was her life and left it at that.

Doris came by with two shakes and a plate of toast, stacked high because she knew Steve’s appetite was insatiable. She also gave Sean a bag of frozen peas. When he looked confused she pointed to his swollen hand.

Steve slowly chewed a piece of toast and waited for Sean to talk. If the kid didn’t want to tell him what happened, Steve was pretty sure he would respect his privacy but it would be tempting to ask Jarvis for help.

“I got suspended from school for fighting.” Sean volunteered when Steve stayed silent.

That was not what Steve had been expecting. Steve knew his eyes widen with surprise before he got control of his reaction. Well, he was pretty sure a fight was part of the story, but Sean didn’t seem like the troublemaker type.

For all the scrapes he used to get into Steve had never actually gotten suspended from school. Sure a few stern conversations with the principal and even once from Father Brian, but he had never been formally reprimanded.

“Connor kept calling Ian a girl because Ian was wearing pink nail polish.” Sean explained and then paused to take a sip of his milkshake.

He took another sip and continued, “Wearing nail polish doesn’t make you a girl. Not that being a girl is a bad thing. The Black Widow is a total badass.” Sean blushed slightly. Steve was pretty sure that badass was not one of his approved vocabulary words. “And my mom is the strongest person that I know. They’re both girls. But Connor meant it as a bad thing, and he was hurting Ian’s feelings.”

Steve nodded, but didn’t say anything. It was a stupid insult, but one that had been popular when he was a kid and it hadn’t gone out of style with boys in the intervening years.

“I told him to stop because it’s cool to be a girl, and because he was hurting Ian’s feelings and that’s not okay. I told him only bullies called people names.”

Steve felt a burst of pride at that. Sean didn’t notice and kept telling his story.

“Connor called me a girl then and I thanked him for the compliment.”

Steve smiled at the kid, who was grinning. Sean definitely had chutzpah and Steve liked that the kid recognized that what Connor said shouldn’t have been an insult.

“That doesn’t explain your knuckles or the suspension.” Steve prodded when Sean didn’t explain what had happened.

Sean sighed, but kept going. “Connor called me a pussy and a coward.”

Clearly, Sean thought both were insults and Steve almost pointed out that being called a pussy was in fact, just another way to imply that Sean was a girl and a coward. Steve stopped when he realized the clarification might lead to a conversation about where the term pussy came from, and he really didn’t want to have that talk with the kid.

Sean kept going without Steve’s prompting, “So I punched him. It was brilliant! I gave him a bloody nose and knocked him over. And Connor is in seventh grade.” Sean was pretty much glowing with his accomplishment.

Steve knew that he couldn’t approve of Sean hitting his classmate, but he was pretty proud of the kid for taking down a bully who was bigger than him.

“Connor is total sissy and crybaby…”

Steve only needed to arch his eyebrow.

Sean paused, “That was mean.” He took a deep breath and started over. “Connor told Ms. Powers that I hit him. Which I guess is true, but he made sound like it was my fault so I got sent to Ms. Ramos’ office and she called my mom who was supposed to be at some important meeting.”

Sean stopped talking to eat some toast. Steve let him finish the piece before he asked any questions.

“Is your mom mad?”

If Steve had to guess, Sean looked like he cried earlier, but so far Steve couldn’t figure out what caused the tears. He hoped it wasn’t Sean’s mom, but parents reacted badly in the moment sometimes. His mom said a few things to him that she regretted after the words left her mouth. Being a mom didn’t stop her from being human.

“Yeah. I had to promise when I started taking karate that I would never hit someone outside the dojo.” Sean sighed quietly and thought for a moment. “I think it would be okay if I hit a mugger or a Hydra agent, but Mom always says that a soldier follows orders.”

Sean didn’t need to add that he did not follow his mom’s order in this situation. Steve had wondered before if the kid’s parents were in the military. Sean’s uniform was always perfectly pressed. His answers to questions were clear and precise, just like a drill sergeant required, and he spoke of Hydra with a bitterness that sounded personal. Maybe his mother was one of the former SHIELD agents that Maria had brought into SI.

“Special training means that you need to be more responsible.”

The kid nodded. “I think Mom is mostly pissed—

“Language, buddy.”

Steve always thought that parenting would be rewarding. He had never thought about it’s more tedious aspects, like trying to stop an eleven year old from cursing.

“Sorry.” Sean answered absentmindedly before getting back to his story. “I think Mom is mostly angry at my school. They have this stupid zero tolerance rule for fighting. Ms. Ramos told mom no matter what I was going to be suspended for two days because I threw a punch.”

“Uh. Well that is pretty stupid.” Steve said. He probably shouldn’t reinforce the kid’s use of the word stupid, but the rule sounded too rigid.

“Yeah that is pretty much what Mom said.”

“What exactly did she say?” Steve asked while trying to downplay his curiosity. Sean’s mom sounded like a pretty fascinating and smart lady and Steve wanted to know how she handled the situation.

“She told Ms. Ramos that rigid rules encouraged inflexible thinking, and inflexible thinkers made bad leaders.”

Steve laughed, “I can’t imagine that went over real well.”

“I don’t think that Ms. Ramos realized that Mom was calling her a bad principal.” Sean shrugged with one of his shoulders. Steve knew it was the kid’s way of saying it is what it is. “Anyway Mom said that I would not just up and hit another kid. She got really mad when she found out that no one asked Ian or me what happened.”

Steve understood the anger that Sean’s mother must have felt because he wanted to knock a few heads together on the kid’s behalf. Not asking Sean or Ian what happened was unfair and the type of behavior Steve hated when he was a kid and still hated as an adult.

“Once Ian and me—

“Ian and I.” Steve interrupted.

Sean rolled his eyes and continued, “Once Ian and I told them about Connor calling Ian a girl, Mom reminded Ms. Ramos that the school also has a zero tolerance policy for bullying so Connor is suspended too.”

Sean sounded almost bubbly about Connor getting in trouble. It was probably not the best thing for the kid to be happy about, but Steve understood how gratifying it was to see a bully get their fair punishment.

“Your mom sounds like a pretty smart lady.”

“She’s the best. In the car back to her office, Mom told me that she is proud of me for standing up for Ian. She said that it’s the type of thing Captain America would do.” It was hard to miss the hero worship in Sean’s voice or the way that his eyes shined. Steve wasn’t sure if Sean teared up because of his mom’s declaration or because of the comparison to Captain America, but the kid was pretty touched by all of it.

“I thought Ironman was your favorite Avenger.” Steve said.

Sean answered with clear annoyance, “Ugh, No! He is an entitled tool.”

Steve struggled to contain his laughter at Sean’s very apparent dislike of Tony Stark.

“My dad gave me the backpack because I dressed up as Ironman for Halloween when I was like six. They hadn’t even found Cap back then! Dad just assumed I still liked Ironman. Mom makes me use it because she thinks it’s wrong to let a good backpack go to waste.”

“Waste not want not, kid. That’s what a good soldier does anyway.”

Sean made a face, but didn’t disagree with Steve.

Steve’s phone buzzed with an incoming message as Sean was finishing talking. Maria was back in her office but was leaving in an hour and would be gone for several days. If Steve wanted to talk to her, he needed to hustle back to the tower.

“You okay, buddy? I have to head to work.”

“Yeah. Mom is finishing up some stuff at the office and then we are going home because I am grounded until Monday. No school, no soccer, no screen time, and I have to speak Chinese the whole time, write Connor an apology, and play cribbage with Mom every night.”

Sean sounded positively happy about everything except writing the apology. Steve was pretty sure that the kid’s mom was going to spend sometime talking about appropriate force and when it was okay to fight, but overall Steve liked that Sean’s mom’s response was to spend time with her son.

“See you around, kid.”

* * *

 “Steve!”

Sean more fell off his stool than jumped in his excitement to greet Steve. It had been almost two months since Sean had gotten into the fight and Steve hadn’t seen him since then. There had been all of the drama with Ultron, and when Steve finally made it to the diner Doris told him Sean was in San Francisco visiting his dad. Steve had shipped out on another mission before Sean got back to New York.

“Hey, kid! How’s it going?”

“Good. Doris told me that you were out of the country for work.”

Steve had asked Doris to pass the message along because he didn’t want the kid to worry. Steve figured any kid whose mom used to work for SHIELD would get concerned when someone just up and disappeared.

“Yep, just got back and was craving a chocolate shake and some cinnamon toast.”

If it was possible the kid actually floated with happiness.

“Did you have a good time visiting your dad? Doris told me you were there last time I came by.”

Sean lost some of his happy energy and started to poke his own shake with his straw. Steve had stepped on a hidden landmine for sure.

The kid got a reprieve from answering because Doris came by with a shake for Steve and another plate of toast. Steve was becoming pretty predictable if she didn’t even bother to get his order anymore.

“It was okay. The Cubs had a series with the Giants. I got to go to all the games.”

“How’d the Cubs do?”

“They lost. All three games, but Wayman hit two home runs in the same game. That was cool.”

“Where are they in the standings?”

The Cubs had been three games out from first place in their division when Steve left, but he didn’t have much time to check box scores while he was gone and he had headed to the diner as soon as he showered, slept, and filed his report with Maria.

Steve had wanted to linger in her office and talk to her when he gave his post mission report in person. He knew she wouldn’t appreciate his interest, but she might have allowed it. She had given him a long look when he was done speaking, but she ended their interview with a nod and a small smile.

Steve still didn’t know why Maria had come back to the Avengers instead of joining Coulson rebuilding SHIELD. He wanted to ask, but he didn’t think she would tell him. Hell, he really wanted to ask her if it had all been an act when SHIELD fell and she took the job with Stark. If she had only taken up with the Avengers because Fury told her to do so, and she came back only at his command.

It hadn’t been lost on him that after SHIELD fell Maria was...more open to him. Steve didn’t really know how to put it, but somehow her strict professionalism became laced with something more personal where he was concerned. Steve thought it might have been friendship, and found himself hoping that it was something more on her part.

Natasha had noticed it, and stopped trying to fix him up. She didn’t say anything though. Just let go of her incessant matchmaking efforts. Sam registered something shifting between Maria and Steve because he stopped flirting with Maria. She had never encouraged the other man, and Steve couldn’t take issue with Sam’s polite and respectful pursuit, but it had grated. Sam watched Steve’s briefing with Maria, their second time in New York. Afterwards he had taken Steve out for beers and told him the story of how Sam’s father had asked out his mother every Wednesday for nine months before she said yes.

Steve had decided not to think too deeply on why Sam told him that story.

There had been a moment at the party where Steve believed that whatever Maria felt for him, it was more than friendship. He had been surprised she was at the party at all since she tended to avoid social functions that weren’t held during work hours. At the time he was too focused on the way that her hair framed her face to wonder why this was the party she finally came to.

Maria had been alone on the terrace; her red dress like flame and he was the moth that could not resist its call. Steve knew he should leave her alone, but he relished the chance to stand next to her for no reason other than he wanted to be there. She didn’t tell him to leave and he didn’t ask if he could stay.

They had stared at the glowing city together. When he sensed Maria’s goosebumps and chilled flesh, Steve handed her his leather jacket without a word and she took it without statement. She slipped it over her slim shoulders, and pulled the sleeves up when they hung below her wrists. His jacket was too large for her, but it had fit perfectly.

She wore it without comment for the rest of the night, and ignored Tony’s violently askewed double take of her outfit after Ulton’s attack. Tony started to say something looked at Steve and had kept his mouth shut. When she handed it back to him it smelled faintly of the amber and lavender scent she favored.

He had wanted to tell her to keep it. He like the way she looked in it far more than he needed a jacket but the words were lost in the moment.

When he had seen her before his last mission she had been unusually curt, and had been working even longer hours than normal both at the Avenger’s compound and Stark Tower. Their brief conversation this afternoon had been polite and impersonal as was usual, but her quiet wit was back and the dark circles under her eyes were less prominent. Steve was assured enough to leave her alone and head to the diner.

Steve barely noticed that Sean sighed with morose resignation and spoke, “Dead last.”

Steve remembered he asked how the Cubs were doing before he fell down the rabbit hole thinking about Maria. Well, asking the kid about the Cubs’ standing was not going to improve the kid’s mood. Steve mustered some weak enthusiasm and tried to sound reassuring. “Plenty of time for them to pull it together before September.”

“You mean plenty of time for them to disappoint me some more.’

Eleven seemed a little young to start with the surly teenager act, but Sean seemed to be precocious at most things, including teenage angst over a baseball team. On the other hand, Steve had done some reading about the history of the Cubs in the last sixty odd years and the kid probably had a lifetime of disappointment ahead of him. If he wanted to get started early with the disappointment of loving a cursed team, Steve wasn’t going to stop him.

Steve decided to change topics, “Do you usually spend the summer with your mom?”

Doris had confirmed that Sean’s parents weren’t together and that the kid visited his dad during school breaks. Steve thought the kid might be gone until September, but it wasn’t even the end of July yet.

Sean shook his head. “I’m supposed to spend four weeks with my dad, but he is never home during the season so he lets me stay with mom. I only went out because he was playing the Cubs and Gran and Grandpa were there for a visit too.”

“Well I bet he was thrilled to have you there in the stands cheering for him.” Steve said.

Steve took a guess that Sean’s dad played for the Giants. He must have been right because Sean didn’t correct him.

“I don’t cheer for the Giants. Not when they play the Cubs.” Sean pulled out his phone and clicked around for a moment. “See?”

Sean showed him a photo of himself in a Cubs jersey and hat standing next to a good looking guy in a Giants uniform. Sean had his nose, and the same ears that stuck out a hair too much. Either Sean hadn’t inherited his father’s size, or he was going to be a late bloomer, because Sean’s dad was well over six feet and had muscles like Steve’s without needing the serum. On the other side of Sean in the photo, was Harry Wayman, the only bright spot in the Cubs lineup. Sean looked thrilled, Harry looked bored, and Sean’s dad looked annoyed with his kid.

“Dad thinks I should cheer for whatever team he is on. He wouldn’t sign with the Brewers because they wouldn’t pay for a private car service during road-trips.”

Steve knew almost nothing about major league baseball contracts, but Sean sounded pretty disgusted with his dad’s conditions.

“It’s his job, buddy.”

Steve knew it was a lame response, but he really didn’t know what to say to the kid. When he was younger, Steve dreamed of being a baseball player if he couldn’t be a soldier. Walking up to the plate, staring down the pitcher, listening to the crowd hush and then erupt at the crack of wood, the speeding ball, the dash to first before the throw. Those were perfect moments.

Sean exclaimed, “Its baseball, Steve! It’s more than a job. My mom says that’s what happened to… that’s why Hydra was able to take down SHIELD. People started thinking of it as a job and they forgot that it was an honor and a privilege to serve the public.” Sean paused to take a deep breath, and kept going. “Look at Cap, he kept trying to join the army even though they wouldn’t take him because he was too small. He knows that being a hero is more than a job. Playing baseball is like that too. Or it should be.”

Steve agreed. It had never been a job to him or any of the Avengers. They would keep standing between humanity and danger. The public could fear them like Bruce, or embrace them like Steve, but that wasn’t why they did it.

He wished that the world noticed the everyday heroes. Not just the Avengers or baseball players.

It’s the soldiers like Maria that Steve admired. She showed up every day, went above and beyond to keep the world safe, and went home without any of the acknowledgement or rewards that the Avengers received. She, and so many others did it because the world needed them. SHIELD had never been a job to Maria, even when it disappointed her.

“Real fans love their teams regardless of whether they win, right?” Sean nodded at Steve, who continued. “Well, I think it’s the same for the people we love. Sometimes they disappoint us—they forget about honor or chose the wrong side, but we keep on loving them. It doesn’t mean that we agree with them or approve of what they do, but it’s okay to keep on loving them.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> unbeta'd. Let me know if you catch any mistakes.

Since their conversation about loving people who disappointed them, Steve and Sean had developed a comfortable routine for the their diner run ins. Steve sketched, Sean worked on his homework, which seemed to have increased with the start of seventh grade, and they listened to the game if one was on. Since there was no hope that the Cubs making it to the pennant, Sean joined Steve in cheering for the Dodgers who were neck in neck with Giants for first in their division.

Steve wished he could stay here tonight listening to the game with the kid, but he was suppose to attend some event at the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens. Pepper had just told him to be there, sent him an email about what to wear, and then called him yesterday to ask if he minded going with Maria instead because Pepper needed to go to Tokyo. Steve agreed immediately, and then worried that Pepper might read too much into his rushed words. Nothing he could do about it now.

Pep had sent Steve a briefing about the event that he should’ve been reviewing instead of sketching the ballgame. Steve had brought the briefing with him; he had even started to read it. Steve had stopped though when he realized that the entire reason Pepper wanted him to attend was because there would be several senators, a dozen congressional representatives, the current secretary of state, and a former President. Steve knew that most of them were vocal about their concerns about inhumans, mutants, and superheroes operating without any government oversight.

Steve knew that since SHIELD’s fall, Tony had been throwing himself into “making the world a safer place.” At first Steve appreciated that Tony stepped into fill the void that Steve created when he insisted that SHIELD be destroyed. Tony had the resources to hire SHIELD’s former agents, to secure its weapons, and to take over its operations. Before Ultron, there had been missions that Steve had forgotten he wasn’t fighting for SHIELD.

Now, Steve wasn’t so sure about Tony’s actions. Just like his father, Tony looked to machines as a solution to human limits and human error, but machines also didn’t have human emotions or morals. Ultron’s corruption of Tony’s Iron Army proved that machines were weapons that anyone could use.

When Steve thought about it too much his mind always wandered to Dr. Eskrine and his insistence that Steve promise to stay a good man.

Steve knew Tony could design a machine to be a perfect soldier, but he couldn’t build a machine capable of promising to be a good man. And that was the problem that was keeping Steve up at night.

Steve pushed the thoughts out of his head and studied Sean instead. Normally Sean had enough situational awareness to notice when someone was watching him, which Steve admired, but it made it hard to just watch the kid think. And Steve liked watching Sean think. Sean seemed to be making new connections about everything on a daily basis, and it was like Steve could see the synapses firing in the kid’s eyes. Each time they talked Steve could tell that Sean’s world-view was getting a little bit bigger, and a little bit more mature. The kid was literally growing up as Steve watched.

Today though the kid’s thought process was different. Sean had been staring at the same math problem for almost five minutes and chewing on his pencil with absentminded abandon.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Steve asked.

Sean startled a bit and gave Steve a sly smile, “My thoughts are worth a least a nickel.”

“You’re going to beggar an old man?” Steve teased.

“You’re not that old.”

“You’d be surprised.” Steve’s wry tone was lost on the kid. “What are you thinking about?”

“Writing a book?” Sean responded.

“Yes, on verbal evasion techniques. You’re currently demonstrating chapter six: answering a question with a question,” Steve said with a subtle sarcasm that was a result of too much time spent with Tony.

Sean rolled his eyes and drolly replied, “Haha. Funny, Steve.”

Steve rolled his eyes right back at Sean and waited. One of his few tactical advantages over the kid was a well developed understanding of when to be patient.

As Steve expected, it wasn’t a full minute before Sean spoke again. “My mom is going on a date.”

“I see.” Steve said, though he really didn’t see why this was causing Sean’s deep contemplation.

“I want her to be happy.” Sean sighed. He didn’t need prompting to keep talking. Now that he was started he seemed happy to keep going. “And, she is awesome! So I get why a guy would want to date her. And I guess she is hot?”

Steve laughed at Sean’s pained look.

“She’s pretty. It’s just…Her last boyfriend hurt her.” Sean explained quietly. Steve couldn’t stop himself from tensing. His hands curled into fists and lips thinned into a grim scowl before he got control of his emotions. Sean clearly realized that Steve was assuming that his mother’s last boyfriend hit her because he clarified, “Not like that! He just lied to her about… important stuff.”

Steve couldn’t tell if Sean was being circumspect or if his mother had kept the details of the lies private. The kid was precocious, but that didn’t mean that whatever happened was appropriate for him to know about.

“So you’re scared that she will get hurt?” Steve asked.

Sean chewed some more on his pencil as he thought. “No. Maybe, but my mom can totally take care of herself. It’s just…”

“Are you worried that she won’t have as much time for you?”

Sean scrunched his nose up. The kid only did it when he was thinking about something he didn’t like much. Usually the look was reserved for his history teacher.

“I don’t know…Maybe…But I know that I shouldn’t be,” Sean answered.

This Steve understood. Sarah hadn’t exactly dated during Steve’s childhood, though several men had tried to court her. Like Sean, Steve wanted his mother to be happy. However, the reality of observing those men trying to impress Sarah had left a bad taste in Steve’s mouth.

“Have you talked to your mom about this?” Sean’s curt shake of his head answered Steve’s question and implied that it was not an option. “Okay. Has she spent less time with you in the past when she has a boyfriend?”

Sean answered immediately, “No. She stopped going out with this one tool who didn’t like that she was always at work or with me. She says that the reason that she doesn’t date much is that I am the only true gentleman that she knows.”

Sean sounded slightly forlorned when he talked about his mother choosing him over a guy that Steve thought was an idiot and a tool. If that fellow didn’t realize that Sean was awesome, and his mother an incredible woman for raising him, well then he didn’t deserve to have either of them in his life.

“You’re a good egg, kid. Sounds like your mom is too. So why are you worried?” Steve asked.

Sean chewed his lower lip and lightly kicked the counter wall arrhythmically. Steve almost corrected his behavior, and then decided to let it go in light of the kid’s nerves about this whole situation.

“I think that she might really like this guy.” Sean said. “She keeps calling my Aunt Laura to talk, and my mom can’t decide what to wear. She never hesitates to make a decision! I just want her to be happy.”

Steve didn’t think that the kid lied to him earlier when Sean said that he wasn’t worried about his mother’s feelings getting hurt. However, Steve did think that the kid’s concern came from a pretty deep protective streak, and that Sean didn’t have the maturity or self awareness to realize that he did worry about his mom, which also made it hard to reassure him.

“Your mom sounds like a pretty smart lady. I’m guessing that is she really does like this guy, he isn’t the type who would intentionally hurt her or have an issue with you being around kid.” Steve shrugged his shoulders,and tried again to reassure the kid. “It is okay to worry about your mom because you want her to be happy, but you also can’t worry that you are somehow keeping her from being happy.”

Steve hoped he was reading between the lines correctly. He remembered old Mrs. Booth once telling Mrs. Wainwright that sweet Sarah Rogers would never find a husband because her sickly son. She hadn’t meant for Steve to over hear, but he knew in the height of the depression no one wanted a sick kid who wasn’t theirs. He still wondered if Sarah’s life would’ve been easier if she hadn’t needed to care for him.

Sean nodded, “Mom tells me that too. Especially when my dad complains about how I cramp his style when I visit.”

Steve gripped his mug and focused all his energy on not crushing it into dust. “Sean if you were my kid the happiest moment of my day would be any time I spent with you.” Sean rolled his eyes, but his shy grin was proof that he found Steve’s words comforting. “Trust me your mom isn’t unhappy because she has you.”

Sarah always called Steve her miracle. Everything she did, all her gentle hugs, fond smiles, and worried eyes made Steve’s heart believe it was sincere. It was his head that disagreed and wondered if he was too heavy a burden for a woman widowed at twenty-one. Sarah told him once, right before her death, that he would understand the miracle of children when he became a parent. He wished he could tell her that he did finally understand that he had never been a burden to her.

Steve strongly resisted the urge to hug the kid. He wasn’t sure if Sean would welcome it or shrug it off. Instead Steve settled on offering a fist bump. It felt lame but the kid smiled and followed Steve’s motions. Darcy assured Steve that it was all the rage with kids.

Sean nodded, “Aunt Laura seems to think this guy is okay. He won’t be as cool as you, but he might not suck.”

Steve sighed and let the kid have the mild vulgarity. “Give him a chance. It sounds like your mom thinks he is worth it.” He glanced at the clock in the corner. He really had to leave if he was going to have time to get all dolled up for the event. “Sorry kid. I have to run. Work stuff.” Sean nodded, and Steve put cash on the counter to cover both their orders. “It’s going to be okay, and if it’s not you should talk to your mom.”

Sean nodded, though Steve didn’t think he would take his advice. Steve ruffled the kid’s hair as he got up to leave.

* * *

“Steve? Can I ask you something?” Sean’s voice was shy and full of hesitation, which was unusual for him and put Steve on notice that the kid wanted to ask something personal.

They had been sitting silently for the last half and hour. Sean had taken one look at Steve, and asked if everything was okay. Steve mustered the energy for a smile that was sort of reassuring. He had spent the morning listening to various analysts and military officials discuss Bucky’s threat level. No one used Buck’s name, and all of them brushed over the torture that Bucky had been subjected to for decades. They saw him as a threat, not as person.

Maria had been the only person willing to meet his eyes, and even then Steve knew she wasn’t offering reassurance. Her eyes were filled with the awareness of what they were doing, and the steely commitment to her job. She wasn’t his ally in this, but Steve had found Maria’s honesty and steady honor comforting nonetheless.

Nat had warned Steve that Bucky would be vilified and Sam had sadly agreed with her. Steve hadn’t believed them. Or rather he hadn’t wanted to believe that good people would give into fear.

Steve had left the meeting when one of the army brass started talking about registering all masked heroes under their real identities. Without thinking about it Steve had headed to the diner. During the walk Steve thought about the people who would be on that list. A P.I. in Brooklyn who could lift a car like it was a toothbrush, but who still suffered trauma like any person. Coulson’s protege, the one whose hacking skills were a result of hard work and inhuman ability an accident of genetics.

Steve shook the cobwebs out and focused on Sean. Steve didn’t know what to do to help Bucky, but he did know how to be present for the kid. “Yeah, buddy?”

“Do you have a girlfriend?” Sean asked in a rush and Steve forgot all about Bucky and the rumors of Registration.

Steve swallowed air twice before he answered, “Uh, not at the moment.”

Sean’s face flashed with something, maybe disbelief, since he seemed to find Steve’s answer slightly unexpected, but Sean shut down his reaction quickly. “But, you have…like had a girlfriend before, right? Or a boyfriend?”

There was no judgment behind Sean’s questions, just curiosity. There were some things Steve liked about the world he had woken up too. It wasn’t better, but it tried to be more accepting of certain things. It gave Steve hope that maybe Sean’s kids wouldn’t think twice about sharing a world with mutants and inhumans.

“Girlfriend, and yeah.” Steve wasn’t really sure how to describe Peggy, and it certainly wasn’t a conversation he was going to have with Sean, but he figured his relationship with her should suffice. Especially, since Steve had no idea where Sean was going with his questions and that made him fairly nervous.

“How did you know she liked you?” Sean sounded hopeful, like Steve could provide some guidance on the topic of women. Sam would find this whole situation hilarious. So would Nat for that matter. They both thought that his steadfast crush on Maria had been endearing at first, and was now just pathetic.

Steve answered without thinking, “She shot me.”

Sean gave him a hard look that made Steve want to squirm in his seat. The kid had a command stare worthy of Maria, and it gave nothing away about what Sean was thinking.

“That’s kind of weird, Steve. And not helpful.”

Before Sean could ask about the circumstances of Peggy shooting him, Steve decided that his one hope to survive this conversation was to redirect the kid’s attention. “So who is your girl?”

“Carrie Goodman. She’s in my pre-algebra class.” Sean answered, but he didn’t say anything else and Steve knew he should ask something. He just had no idea what to say. He felt like he was failing the kid.

“So you like her?”

Steve’s question must have been too stupid for Sean to deal with because the kid gave him side-eye worthy of Tony’s crazier ideas and sighed with dramatic flair.

“Of course I like her Steve. I just don’t know if she _likes_ me.” Sean said plaintively.

Steve was horribly tempted to tell Sean that any girl worth her snuff would like him. Sean was honorable, quick-witted, kind, smart, irreverent, and charming. If Sean was his kid, Steve would probably burst with pride and never understand how anyone didn’t like Sean. However, Steve realized that if he said anything like that to Sean, Steve would sound like his own mother when she use to reassure him that any girl good enough for Steve would see past his small stature and poor health, and would want him because of his good heart and strong soul.

In hindsight, it was excellent advice, but at thirteen Steve had found it absolutely unhelpful and slightly belittling.

Now his mother would probably tell him that a worthy woman would see past his good looks and shield. That woman would accept Steve’s emotional scars, and demand that he accept hers too. Sarah always said that true love wasn’t perfect—it was accepting, complicated, and hard. If Steve wanted true love than he needed a wife who was brave enough to fight for their relationship according to Sarah. He knew that Sarah had hoped for a daughter-in-law who was kind, perceptive, capable, and resilient. A woman who lacked these qualities would never be a true partner for Steve according to Sarah, and that was before the serum.

Thinking about Sarah gave Steve and idea about how to answer Sean’s question.

“I’m no expert on this stuff, kid,” Steve explained, “but my mom use to tell me that it’s impossible to know someone else’s feelings if you just sit in the corner and try to guess. She also use to say that the bravest people are the ones who share their feelings with others.”

Sarah hadn’t suffered fools, and she had even less time for people who created their own pain. She had told Steve everyday that she loved him, and she had always given him two good-night kisses—one from her and one from his father.

Sarah also told him to tell the people that he loved that he cared about them, but Steve hadn’t learned that lesson. He should have said something sooner to Peggy. Even worse, Steve never told Bucky that he loved him. Steve knew that he Bucky understood, but Steve still wished he had said it to him before he fell. Now...well who knew if he would ever find Bucky, and Steve didn’t know if he could love the Winter Soldier.

Sean was too focused on the advice to notice Steve’s contemplation. “You’re saying that I am being a coward if I don’t ask her how she feels?” Sean asked without sounding offended, but he also didn’t sound sold on the idea.

“Kid, I kept my mouth shut before.” Steve said. He was doing it right now where Maria was concerned, “And it ended up hurting a hell of alot worse than if I told her how I felt and got shot down.”

Living with the regret of what-ifs and should-have-beens with Peggy was harder than any rejection Steve suffered at a dance when a nameless woman looked him up and down and found him wanting. He was happy that Peggy had mourned him and then moved on, but there was a bitter edge to that happiness when he thought about her marriage, children, and career. He had wanted to be the man by her side for those adventures.

The stupid thing was that he knew Peggy wouldn’t have shot him down. He had known it during the war, but hadn’t said anything because he hadn’t wanted a few furtive kisses in shadows, and rushed groping when they were alone. He had wanted everything, and he ended up with nothing.

Now, he would kill for memories of stolen moments.

“Are you keeping your mouth shut now?” Sean asked. His question was simple, but the kid clearly knew that whatever Steve was alluding to wasn’t a simple crush. Sean added, “You sound like you know that you’re being a hypocrite.”

Sean shrugged his shoulders and left it at that. Steve knew the kid was perceptive, but sometimes he had an almost uncanny ability to see through bullshit.

“Uh…yeah. I might be keeping my mouth shut… about my feelings for a woman.” Jumping out of a plane with no chute was substantially less terrifying than saying those words aloud.

Sean nodded sagely and smiled like a fox, “Because you don’t know if she likes you?”

The kid knew he had made his point as neatly as any high priced lawyer.

Yeah, Steve sighed to himself. He was being a hypocrite. The kid was concerned because he didn’t know if Carrie liked him, and Steve was telling Sean to speak up. Steve had no idea how Maria felt about him and it was one of the reasons he had kept quiet.

Oh, he knew she was attracted to him. From the first time that he stepped on the helicarrier command deck and she had met his eyes after his gaze had trailed down her body and floated back up, he had known their attraction was mutual.

But, he really didn’t know if she liked him beyond that attraction.

She let him walk her home last week after the United Nations reception at the Brooklyn Botanical Garden.

Maria had worn red again and Steve had known the night was going to leave him burnt when he touched her fingers to help her into the car that delivered them there. The actual event was a blur. His only clear memories were of Maria. Smiling. Laughing. Lifting a champagne flute to her lips. Subtly reprimanding a reporter’s bad analysis, and deftly steering Steve through a conversation about the increasing number of mutants being born and whether the government could require prenatal testing.

Maria hadn’t agreed with the congresswoman who suggested that the prenatal testing requirement should be added to the Accords. Steve had shuddered when the congresswoman said that parents should be given the full opportunity to decide if they wanted a child with defects, but it was Maria who coldly told the congresswoman such decisions were private and not in the public’s purview. Steve had added his firm agreement to Maria’s rebuke.

When the congresswoman’s husband went further and added that the Accord’s should require people with certain skills use their talents for the better good and submit to scientific research, Maria’s grip on his elbow was the only thing that stopped Steve from denouncing the Accords and punching the man. The congresswoman and her husband were too entitled and privileged to realize that he was advocating for slavery and human experimentation in everything, but name. Somehow Maria managed to end the conversation diplomatically. Steve knew he didn’t need the congresswoman as an enemy, but he hadn’t really cared at the moment.

Steve had offered to call their car when Maria told him that she had used up her quota of inane conversation and had her fill of stupid after the conversation with the congresswoman and her husband. Maria turned him down and said she would rather walk home. He had insisted on accompanying her, and she hadn’t argued much.

Maria had lead them out of the gardens and into Crown Heights with an easy gait after she slipped off her heels. Steve tripped over his feet when he spied the bright red nail polish that matched her dress. He almost stopped, unsure about her walking home barefoot, but she had laughed at his unvoiced protectiveness and kept walking. Maria’s shoulders relaxed the farther they got from the event and Steve realized as they stopped at the first street light that this really was Maria’s neighborhood, nothing else would explain her comfort with letting her guard down slightly or the sure way she walked towards her home.

They were mostly silent in the warm fall night. Maria wasn’t one for chatter and Steve didn’t know what to say. Maria murmured directions every so often until they reached a brownstone in the middle of a quiet block. Steve thought the garden apartment might be her’s with its ignored flower boxes, but Maria stopped at the front steps. Steve noticed three mail slots, he assumed one for each floor. The parlour floor had thick, heavy velvet drapes and Steve couldn’t imagine Maria choosing such ornate and ostentatious fixtures. The second story balcony held a soccer ball, a weathered baseball bat, and one of those bubble machine’s Barton found so amusing. Steve assumed Maria must live in the third floor apartment with its utilitarian white blinds.

Steve realized when he met Maria’s eyes after studying the building that she wasn’t sure what to do in this moment either. Steve imagined that if this was a date he would press a kiss to her lips, or she might invite him up, but they both knew neither was an option.

Steve remembered his soldier instincts, his training to act and not think, taking over. Without thought his fingers rose and brushed an errant lock of hair behind Maria’s ear. She stilled at his touch, as he brushed her brow, but she didn’t step back. When Steve’s fingers dropped back to his side, Maria gulped once and nodded. Steve watched her walk up the steps, unlock the door and disappear into the building.

Steve wasn’t sure how he would describe the evening. It wasn’t fun, but Maria’s presence made it almost pleasant. He wasn’t sure if Maria enjoyed the evening, but she managed it with the same competency and cool precision that had fed his crush during the Chitauri invasion.

As for the moment on the steps...Steve wasn’t sure what to think about it other than it made Maria’s feelings about him an even bigger mystery.

“You’re thinking about her, aren’t you?” Sean asked, calling Steve back to the diner and their conversation.

Steve nodded. Sean looked at him closely, assessing something, though Steve wasn’t sure what. Sean’s study went on for several breaths, before he finally spoke.

“Steve, if you look at her like that I don’t think you need to worry about telling her that you like her.”

It was pretty distressing that even the kid could read the proof of Steve’s crush in the heat of his eyes, and the press of his lips. Steve took a long sip of his coffee before saying anything.

“Sorry, I’m not more help kid.”

Sean shook his head, “No, you’ve been helpful. I guess...I know that I…” Sean paused took a breath collected his thoughts and started again. “If I want someone to be brave enough to care about me then I need to be brave enough to share my feelings, and strong enough to risk getting shot down.”

Steve nodded. The kid had summed up falling in love pretty damn well, especially for a seventh grader.

“Jumping out of a plane without a parachute is a hell of alot less scary.” Steve thought he said it only in his head, but he must have spoken out loud.

“That doesn’t make a lot of sense Steve.”

“It will someday kid, but in the meantime you are the bravest seventh grader I know.” Steve said earnestly. “I think you can handle asking Carrie to get a milkshake with you sometime.”

“I’m the only seventh grader you know,” Sean responded with enough deadpanned truthfulness to hint at the teenager he would be.

“Doesn’t make it less true kid.”

* * *

“They’re stupid.”

Steve looked up when Sean spoke. Steve had been busy reading over the briefing on the most recent draft of the Accords that Maria had forwarded to his Starkpad. The new penalties for failing to register were chilling, and even the chocolate shake and cinnamon toast wasn’t doing much to make Steve feel better.

“Not a mind reader here, kid.” Steve said, hoping it would prompt Sean to explain what he meant.

“The Accords. They’re stupid.” Steve realized Sean’s comment was prompted by the news program quietly playing on the radio now that the baseball season was over and not by any knowledge about what Steve was reading. Sean continued, “Good thing you aren’t a mind reader. You would have to register, and then everyone would know.”

Steve nodded. He wasn’t exactly sure where Sean’s feelings were coming from. People’s reactions to the Accords were all over the board, and it wasn’t a topic most people were willing to talk about in public. “Why would it be bad if everyone knew something like that?”

“People would treat you different.” Sean responded. “People would be scared of you for something that you have no control over.”

“The Accords are because people are already scared.” Steve said, though he didn’t think that fear excused their behavior.

Sean shrugged his shoulders, ruining the lines of his well tailored school blazer. “It doesn’t make the Accords okay.” Sean tapped the cover of his history book, which was currently serving as a tray for their plate of toast. Doris knew how much the kid disliked the topic. “We were talking about the Japanese internment in class yesterday. It was easy to call it wrong now, but no one wanted to admit that they probably would’ve supported the decision back then.”

Steve remembered calling it stupid and worse. He also remembered the fights he got into because of his statements. The people who did oppose interment weren’t inclined to speak up, and the kid was right, it was easier to see the moral ineptitude of the decision in hindsight.

Sean sighed and stirred his shake, “My mom says it is not the same thing. There was no evidence of spies in the Japanese American community. She says Congress’s fear was unfounded. But, that superheroes--mutants...whatever you want to call people who are different, are dangerous and there is clear proof of that. And, I get that she was in New York and Sokovia.” Sean poked at his shake some more, blinking rapidly to fight tears. “But she was in DC too, and no one is saying that Pierce was anything other than human. An arrogant, dangerous human who didn’t need superpowers to hurt people.”

Steve hadn’t realized Sean’s mother had been in all three places. There weren’t a lot of agents that had been involved in Sokovia and worked at SI after SHIELD fell. Chances were Steve had met Sean’s mother before, though Steve imagined she would be memorable and he couldn’t think of any of the agents that he knew had kids who shared Sean’s droll humor, and clever smile.

Sean continued, and Steve could feel the anger and fear that was radiating off of him, but the kid kept control of his voice. “My mom is dangerous. She was a soldier. I am not suppose to know that she killed people, but she did because she was trained to kill. She doesn’t have to register though.”

Steve understood the kid’s point. Technically under the Accords, Barton wouldn’t be required to register if he left the Avengers. It was the same for Tony if he would agree to give up his suit. Rhody and Sam wouldn’t have to register at all if they stayed were active duty and their gear was owned by the Air Force or the Army. Steve and Bruce wouldn’t have any choice. It wouldn’t matter if they left the Avengers, moved to some quiet suburb and spent their Sundays watching football. They would always be too dangerous as far as the Accords were concerned.

Sean wasn’t finished, “The Accords aren’t fair, or reasonable. Lots of people don’t want to be different, and it’s not like their powers are really dangerous.”

Steve nodded. He had made much the same point to Maria when he had fumed in her office yesterday after a meeting about the newest draft of the Accords. They had never talked about that night in September, and they certainly weren’t going to talk about it anywhere near the Avenger facility, but something had shifted subtly. She was willing to listen to him, and he sought her out, almost as though they were friends. Steve had been reliving their last conversation when he closed his eyes. It’s what drove him into Manhattan in search of milkshakes, toast, and the kid.

_“I’m not looking for perfect, Steve.” Maria sat in her chair with perfect posture. Steve, on the other hand wanted to slouch and relax for a moment, as though this was not a meeting, and instead a private moment._

_“Well, that’s good because the Accords are about as far from perfect as you can get,” Steve managed not to sound like a petulant teenager, but it was close._

_“They could be worse.”_

_Steve grimaced but Maria was right. As much as Tony wanted the Accords, he did not represent the most extreme faction supporting the agreement. Tony wanted registration, and when necessary enforced security measures, but he refused to support conscripted service, forced experimentation, and mandatory removal of “gifted” children from their human parents’ care._

_“Yes, but Registration doesn’t mean that those things won’t happen,” Steve replied._

_Maria didn’t deny that what he said was true, but she also wasn’t willing to give him the high ground. “You are standing on just as slippery a slope. We have laws for a reason, Steve, and right now you get to operate outside those rules because of your cowl.”_

_“Tell me what law I have broken, Maria,” Steve demanded._

_“Can you tell me that every person with your abilities also has your heart?” Maria paused and refused to let go of his gaze when she continued. “As far as I can tell people with powers are like us regular folks. Some are good, some are bad, and a few are evil. The Accords aren’t perfect, but neither are the rest of our laws. Registration is reasonable.”_

_Maria stood and came over and taken the seat next to his. “Don’t think that there is only one right side in this. You have your version of right, and I have mine.” Maria hesitated before she took his hand, laced her fingers in his and continued. “Steve, I believe in the Accords because I believe that we should all be able to trust that each person will be held to the same standard as their neighbor. And I don’t trust that my neighbor has your heart or Tony’s sincere desire to protect people, because we are human. All of us, even those of us with inhuman powers.”_

Steve’s conversation with Maria didn’t get any easier the thousandth time he replayed it his head. He ran flexed the hand that she held, remembering how it anchored him even as her words pushed him out to sea. “Kid, I agree the Accords aren’t reasonable or fair, but it doesn’t change that some smart people think Registration is the best way to keep the world safe.”

Sean nodded, “Do you think that the Accords will be like Japanese Internment?”

Steve thought about it for several long moments. “I don’t know. It’s easy to recognize that we are making history. It’s a lot harder to know what the history will be. Fury thought Project Insight would change the world, and it did. Just not the way that he thought it would.”

“My mom sort of said that.” Steve arched his eyebrows out of curiosity and Sean offered the details Steve was interested. “She said that Registration was a fulcrum for a world with superheroes. Whatever happens, the future, peaceful or otherwise, hinges on whether people will agree to abide by the Accords.”

Steve nodded in agreement. The possibility of Registration, and the ensuing debates were changing the world already. He wasn’t sure he could call Tony a friend anymore. It had only complicated things with Maria, and Steve was scared to ask where Natasha’s loyalties were.

Sean twisted up his straw since his shake was gone and he couldn’t poke it with his nervous energy. “My mom is scared.”

“Did she tell you that?” Steve asked with evident concern.

“No, not in so many words, but she wants me to go stay with my grandparents. And she makes me practice counter-surveillance techniques.” Steve had to think about that twice. It must be weird to be the kid of a woman who survived the fall of SHIELD. He imagined Sean had learned a healthy level of paranoia. “She is worried if something happens to her, I will be in the crosshairs.”

Sean spoke calmly about his mother being a target in the Registration debates, and the possibility that it put him in danger. Steve had to press his eyes shut and count to ten, and then count to ten again before he got control of his rapidly beating heart.

“Sean, here is my number.” Steve wrote out his personal number that Barton swore even Tony couldn’t eavesdrop on, and Steve was inclined to believe him since he kept the farm secret for so many years. Steve had just a hint of his own command voice when he continued, “If you ever need help with anything, and I mean _anything_ , call me. If I can’t come one of my friends will be there. No questions asked. You understand?”

Sean nodded and proved his understanding by pulling out his phone and entering Steve’s number. Steve’s phone buzzed with an incoming call.

Sean grinned, seemingly having moved on from the serious nature of their conversation. “Now you have my number, too. You can text me when you want to get shakes and toast.”

“Sure thing, kid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it got longer again. I hope to finish this by the end of the month. As always, thanks for reading and let me know what you think.


	3. Chapter 3

“That’s not a milkshake,” Steve said flatly.

It was hard to miss the warm, sweet initial bloom and subsequent peaty undertone of the excellent single malt scotch that Doris had poured neat for him when he took his regular seat at the counter.

“You look like you could use something stronger. Bad call?” Doris’s tone had a knowing edge that made Steve meet her eyes. “NYPD. Retired when I got my twenty.” Doris laughed lightly at Steve’s slack jaw and clear surprise. “My husband’s parents opened this place. He served me coffee in that booth over there during my third rookie shift. My training officer predicted we would get married.”

Even though he was preoccupied, and his heart was heavy and exhausted, Steve smiled at Doris’s story.

Steve asked the first thing that popped into his mind, “Do you miss it?”

Doris gave him an appraising look. “Sometimes, but my favorite thing about being a cop was walking the same beat and chatting with the regulars. Now, they come to me.” Doris poured herself a cup of coffee, and leaned against the counter. The diner was dead and Steve knew it was because no one was venturing outside yet. Not after yesterday.

Doris continued, “I loved it before I had kids, but when my first was born some calls became a lot harder. You know, if the victim was the same age as my son, or if there was an assault at the park where the girls played pick-up games after school. Having to tell parents that their child was hit by a drunk driver. That never got easier.”

Steve nodded. He didn’t really have to deal with the last thing anymore. During the War he wrote a letter to every family that lost a son who served under him. The worst letters were the ones where he didn’t have some bright memory to share in memoriam. Too many of the men were just names to him before their death, and then a brutal duty after the battle. Not that it was easier to write about a fellow he had shared a meal with or traded his allotment of cigarettes for comics. It was just a different type of pain. he couldn’t imagine how hard it was to look a parent in the eyes and tell them their child was dead.

Steve knew someone made those calls for him now; it might even be Maria. She wouldn’t complain about it, or even comment on the many menial and hard chores she did for the Avengers. In the case of the Chitauri invasion, Steve hadn’t even known the men and women who died in the helicarrier attack or on the ground in New York. DC had been different. He knew too many of the people who died, but he couldn’t sincerely mourn their deaths when they had betrayed everything he believed in. He suspected Maria could parse the complicated emotions of mourning a friend and colleague while condemning their choices.

Steve sloshed the whiskey around, observing the way the amber liquid reflected the light. “You know I can’t even get drunk anymore.”

Doris startled at the information, but she kept the surprise from reaching her face. Steve had never been sure before if she knew who he was. His face wasn’t a secret, but it was amazing to him how many people couldn’t make the connection when he was wearing a pair of worn jeans, a flannel shirt and a well loved ballcap.

“Well if you can’t get drunk, you can still eat your feelings. Want that shake and toast?” Doris asked, ignoring any reference to why he might not be able to drown his feelings.

He nodded, and slammed back the whiskey in one clean swallow. “I might not get the buzz, but I can still feel the burn.”

Doris nodded, and headed back to the kitchen to put in his order. Steve almost asked her to stay. Left alone, his mind had nothing to do, but review what went wrong yesterday.

  _“Have I said that I hate aliens?” Tony’s rhetorical question was almost drowned out by a blast of his repulsors._

_Even if Steve had wanted to answer he was too busy fighting the Kree henchmen Nitro had working for him._

_“Nitro’s looking more explosive!” Nat yelled over the comms. Steve really wished that she was being euphemistic, but the Avengers had been briefed on Nitro’s alien enhanced abilities when they agreed to assist on the raid of the apartment he was hiding in. SHIELD, the FBI, and NYPD were concerned about how to take Nitro into custody given his ability to literally combust._

_No one had anticipated that the apartment would be filled with Kree meeting with Nitro about god knows what._

_“Nat’s right guys. You got to get Nitro contained. And FAST!” yelled Barton._

_“We’re trying.” Steve answered. He knew Barton had the best view of the fight, but Tony was bogged down and having a hard time clearing a path for Nat and Steve to get anywhere near Nitro._

_Tony had created some serum that was suppose to keep Nitro from being able to dissolve into a combustible gas, but there was only one dose and it had to be injected. As good as Barton was they were willing to risk the one dose on him getting a chance at the shot, so the plan was for Steve to cover Nat on the ground, with air support from Barton and Tony so she could get within arms reach of him._

_It had seemed like a solid plan when they were sitting in the Avenger facility, but now it was all falling apart._

_Steve had reviewed the video footage of Nitro on their way to his safe house, and noted the way the edges of his skin blurred, and according to eyewitnesses the air filled with static electricity before one of his explosions. He knew that Nat had a matter of seconds to inject him. “Try harder, Cap-”_

_The explosion cut off Barton. Steve last thought and it was more instinct than actual thought, was to pull his shield up to cover himself as the building came crashing down around him._

_“Wake up sleeping beauty, or I will let Tony give you true love’s kiss.” Steve groggily opened his eyes to see Nat staring at him, a hint of concern apparent in her pinched lips. Her face was smeared with dust, and her hair a dirty pinkish gray color._

_“Don’t scare the guy Nat,” Clint said from somewhere near, but out of Steve’s line of sight. Steve turned his head to look around the standard medical tent, but stopped when a wave of nausea and pain washed over him._

_“Even with the serum, docs said to take it easy. Several tons of brick landed on your hard head.” Clint moved into focus as he spoke. Steve could tell that he was pretty bruised and cut up. Probably from debris but that meant the explosion was most of a city block if he remembered Clint’s last position correctly._

_Steve almost nodded his understanding and then remembered the warning to hold still. “How long was I out?”_

_“Almost two hours. It took us a while to get you out of there,” Nat answered._

_“Did we get him?”_

_“No.” Clint’s tone was a clipped as his one word answer._

_“Where is Tony?” The tent was fairly quiet, but past its fabric walls, Steve could hear sirens, short wave radios, and people quickly moving around._

_Nat shot a look to Clint before she answered. “His suit protected him from the worst of it. He has been doing press and reassuring the masses that registering superheroes would’ve prevented today’s tragedy.”_

_Steve’s attention caught on Nat’s use of the word tragedy. “How bad is it?” Steve wasn’t sure if he was asking about Nitro’s explosion, the public’s reaction, or Tony’s cowboying in the aftermath._

_“Bad.”_

_Steve’s eyes widen slightly at Nat’s curt answer. She was never talkative, but she was too professional to ever answer a field commander’s question about a mission with anything less than the necessary information. “What does bad mean?”_

_“Nitro took out most of the block, and the debris and shockwaves from the explosion damaged buildings within six blocks.”_

_It was worrying that Nat’s answered focused only on the actual explosion, and not on any of the other issues. However, Steve trusted her to prioritize, and if she thought the explosion was the first thing to address he would defer to her decision. Steve tried to remember what was in the general area of the Upper East Side apartment building that Nitro had been hiding in. It had been just off of Park Avenue and it’s traffic. The briefing has said the block was mostly residential, with businesses on the ground floors, and a school around the corner. It was likely that on a Tuesday at eleven in the morning that most people weren’t at home, but the school was in session._

_“How many fatalities?” Steve asked. No reason to beat around the bush._

_“Still trying to figure it out,” Clint replied. “Seriously. If I knew I would tell you.”_

_Steve nodded slightly, the pressure behind his eyes was disappearing quickly. He figured he would be ready to sit up in a few minutes. “Who is handling the clean up? Maria?”_

_She had been the PIC for the mission inter-agency mission. Steve didn’t envy her the higher ups trying to pass blame to her, or the brunt of public anger that they would redirect away from them to her._

_Clint and Nat had one of their silent conversations. They didn’t need more than a few seconds to have a lengthy debate. Steve wasn’t sure if Nat won or lost, but she was the one who spoke. “Maria isn’t handling the clean up.”_

_Steve sat up and ignored the pain that radiated down his spine and the rush of nausea that bubbled up from his stomach. “IS SHE OKAY?”_

_Neither Nat nor Clint reacted at his display of emotion. Nat laid her hand gently on his shoulder. It didn’t make him feel more comfortable. “She wasn’t hurt.”_

_Steve nodded, but knew that being unharmed wasn’t the same as being okay._

_“The apartment building was around the corner from a school--”_

_“I remember.”_

_Nat ignored Steve’s interruption and impatience. “The Wilson School is a private, coeducational institution, with kindergarten through eighth grade, popular with international families because of its language programs--”_

_“Get to your point.” Steve wasn’t sure why Natasha was giving him a briefing on the school. He knew that the school had to have been in the blast radius, and while the name sounded familiar he couldn’t think of any reason that he would know about the school._

_“It’s also popular with SHIELD agents,” Clint added._

_A flash of Sean’s uniform blazer with its stylized W for a school badge crashed through Steve’s thoughts. “I need my phone--a phone!”_

_Clint must have been expecting this request because he already had unlocked his phone and handed it to Steve who immediately dialed Sean. He had memorized the kid’s number weeks ago; one of his old fashioned habits._

_It went straight to voicemail._

_Steve could literally feel his blood pressure rising, at the same time as panic sped his heart up and shock disconnected his brain from most of his physical reaction. He wondered if this was what a normal soldier felt like in the seconds before a battle started._

_Clint gently took the phone back from him. “Signal jammers are still up, and the local towers are overwhelmed even if there is a signal. Sean’s okay. I have Maria’s private number and she’ll have a service over SHIELD’s sats.” Clint started to scroll through his phone._

_Steve stopped listening as soon as Clint said Sean was okay. His awareness of the world ceased and an overwhelming relief washed over him._

_Sean was okay._

_Steve took a few deep breaths and relished the calm that followed the relief of knowing Sean was safe. In those quiet moments he processed the fact that Clint knew Sean...and the rest of what he said._

_All of a sudden a thousand little pixels collated in Steve’s mind so he could see the full picture. Sean studying Mandarin and Maria’s own skill at the language; Sean’s mother’s history with SHIELD and Stark Industries; the kid’s politeness and Maria’s respect even when she disagreed; Sean’s moral gravitas and Maria’s dignified competence; the same intelligent blue eyes that always saw Steve as a real person._

_“How do you...why did you tell me…” Steve wasn’t sure what he wanted an answer to the most. His head was swirling with questions about how they knew about Sean and his friendship with Steve. Instead, Steve asked a question he was pretty sure he knew the answer to, but he had to ask anyway. “Why is Maria there?”_

_Nat gave him one of her inscrutable hard looks that made him feel dumber than a block of wood. It was answer enough for Steve._

_“Laura told me that Maria was sure you didn’t know,” Clint sounded awed. “I didn’t actually believe her.”_

_“Do all SHIELD agents have secret families?” Neither Clint or Natasha reacted to Steve’s angry tone._

_“Well--_

_Steve cutoff Clint, “It was a rhetorical question.”_

_Clint ignored that Steve had interrupted him. “Maria’s kid was never a secret. She is just private.”_

_Steve nodded because that was true. Other agents decorated their offices with clues about their interests. Every office of Maria’s Steve had been in had been totally functional and completely impersonal. Steve never thought that it was because Maria had no personality, but rather because she liked to keep distance between her command and her personal life. Steve had never realized how great of a distance it was._

_In her typical way, Nat must of surmised his other questions. “Sam and I started wondering why you were spending so much time at the diner so I checked up on you a couple of times.” She shrugged her shoulders. It wasn’t an apology for invading his privacy so much as a reminder that Nat had a different understanding of boundaries than he did. “Your connection with Sean seemed to be beneficial so I didn’t do anything about it.”_

_“Does Maria know? Does Sean?” Steve asked slightly chagrinned. He had never been prone to embarrassment; even before the serum when his confidence might have been misplaced, Steve rarely second guessed himself or worried about what others thought. Now though he did have to wonder what Maria made of Steve’s behavior, or if the kid knew who Steve was, and whether Sean felt betrayed, and that was all more unsettling than Steve would admit if asked._

_“You should talk to Maria,” Clint said as he handed Steve his phone. Clint had already started the call so Steve couldn’t really decline it._

_Maria picked up on the second ring, “Barton--”_

_“It’s me, Maria.”_

_“Oh.” Maria paused for longer than was necessary. “When did you come to?”_

_“A few minutes ago. Nat and Clint gave me a sitrep,” Steve wasn’t sure if he should tell her that the report included clarifying her relationship to Sean._

_Maria turned on the camera feature. She wasn’t covered in dust, but her hair was falling out of her favored chignon Her eyes were still filled with the same feeling Steve had felt in that moment when he realized that Sean’s school had been in the blast radius. It looked like she was in some medical facility, and Steve wished that he was there to lend his strength even though he knew she didn’t need it._

_Maria nodded her understanding before he could say anything else. “Hey, buddy, Steve wants to say hi.”_

_Maria handed the phone off and Steve got a better look at the hospital emergency room before Sean’s face came into focus. He was missing his glasses, and there was a jagged cut on his left cheek that made Steve’s heart hurt and guilt settle heavy in his stomach, but the kid’s huge grin was reassuring._

_“Steve!”_

_“Hey, kid. I’m sorry you got hurt.”_

_Sean’s brow creased in confusion. “It’s not your fault.”_

_“It sort of is, kid. I’m--”_

_“I know who you are Steve. My mom told me.” Sean’s excitement at Steve’s call was wearing off fast. The kid’s voice was tired, and with a hint of shock that made Steve suspect that the reality of what happened hadn’t really hit Sean yet. “It wasn’t your fault.”_

_“Oh, I didn’t know.”_

_“I was worried that you were one of the agents at the scene. Mom said you hit your head.” Sean tried to sound mature, but Steve heard the fear in his voice and the fact that he wasn’t the same innocent kid he was this morning. Steve realized Sean probably knew children and teachers who had been seriously injured in the explosion. It wasn’t surprising that the kid would worry about the SHIELD agents he knew in light of the tragedy he witnessed. Maria telling him that Steve could recover from almost anything was the kindest thing she could do._

_“Don’t worry about me, Buck always said my head was harder than steel and whole lot less useful.” Sean smiled slightly at Steve’s attempt to joke like normal._

_A voice outside the camera’s ranged spoke, “Ms. Hill, we are ready to x-ray Sean’s arm. I’m sorry, but with everything that is going on you won’t be able to come back to the x-ray room.”_

_Steve started to hyperventilate again, but tried to school his face. He hadn’t realized that Sean was hurt beyond the cut on his cheek. “The first nurse mentioned that,” Maria replied to the nurse Steve couldn’t see. She continued gently, “Sean I am going to talk to Steve, and I will be right here when you get back. You got this?”_

_“Mom, I’m twelve,” Sean said, as though his age somehow negated Maria’s mothering and concern. Steve didn’t think that Maria would be any less protective of Sean when he was thirty-two. “Steve, will you draw on my cast when I get it?”_

_“Absolutely, kid.”_

_The nurse came into view as Steve replied. She unhooked several cables so that she could push Sean’s hospital bed out of the room. Steve saw the nurse glance at the phone’s screen and her jaw immediately drop as she recognized Steve in his uniform. Sean didn’t notice since he was still watching Steve, but Steve was sure the moment was not lost on Maria. It was everything Maria feared would happen if she was linked to Steve personally._

_“Cool. Maybe we can get a milkshake later. Mom is going to have lots of work.” Sean responded as he started to hand the phone back and then added, “Thanks for calling Steve.”_

_“Of course…” Steve’s voice trailed off. He wanted to add something more personal, but he couldn’t find the courage to say the words that were on the tip of his tongue. Especially not with the nurse avidly eavesdropping on the conversation._

_Maria’s face came into view as she pressed a kiss to Sean’s forehead and took the phone back. “Love you, son.”_

_Steve could hear Sean’s response, “Love you too, mom. BYE STEVE!”_

_Maria’s eyes were directed away from the phone’s camera probably watching Sean. Even in the midst of everything else Steve relished being able to study the wane planes of her cheeks, and the way her lips thinned with tiredness for a moment. Steve found her attractive when she was in command mode, but this less guarded version, with raw emotion spilling out of her was so much more compelling and alluring. Steve knew this wasn’t the time to let his emotions run away from him, but it didn’t stop him from staring. Normally she was too aware of him, and Steve hated being caught studying her._

_“I’m sorry I told Sean who you are,” Maria said after another moment._

_Steve was startled by Maria’s apology. He hadn’t been expecting it because he wasn’t upset at all with her decision._

_She continued with an explanation he didn’t need. “I never meant to compromise your privacy, but he was so worried, and finding out that his buddy Steve is Captain America was pretty distracting from the pain.”_

_“Is he angry?” asked Steve._

_Maria smiled. “No, he is pretty jazzed. He might be when he thinks about it some more.”_

_“I should’ve told him sooner,” said Steve. “I never meant to keep it a secret from him.”_

_Maria’s lips twitched slightly. “I think that’s what I should be saying to you.--_

_Steve cut Maria off before she could apologize again. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I get why you don’t talk about Sean.”_

_Maria gave him a long look before speaking, “This probably isn’t the time for this talk.”_

_Steve nodded, “You’re right. Is there anything I can do?”_

_She answered immediately, “Draw on Sean’s cast when he gets it.” Steve had meant if there was anything he could do to help Maria, but he didn’t call her out on it._

_“Will do.”_

_“Thanks for calling Steve,” Maria paused, her eyes bright with emotion that Steve didn’t recognize. “I really appreciate it.” Maria ended the call before Steve could respond._

_Steve handed back Clint’s phone and found that both the archer and Natasha were staring at him. “Don’t look at me like that,” he exclaimed to both of them. “Sean didn’t figure out I am Captain America either.”_

_“Steve, Sean’s twelve.” Natasha drolly pointed out._

“Steve!”

He turned in his stool when he heard the kid calling his name. Steve could see the start of Sean’s cast around his hand, but most of it was hidden under the bulky Cubs sweatshirt he was wearing. The kid’s voice was full of energy that was not matched by his drooping eyelids and pale skin. Maria was two steps behind her son. She also had dark circles under her eyes and her shoulders were not as square as normal. She was dressed more casually than Steve had ever seen her and he realized to the casual observer they all looked like a normal, albeit tired family.

Steve stood before they reached him and walked to meet them, “Hey, kid.”

Steve didn’t hesitate to give the kid a hug , and Sean returned it with equal enthusiasm even though it was the kid who ended it and rolled his eyes at Steve’s behavior. Steve looked up to meet Maria’s eyes, and he wasn’t sure what to do. Her face was locked in a passive look that Steve recognized from the rare moments she was too confused by Tony’s rants to answer.

“Uh, would you rather sit at a booth, or the counter like normal?” Steve asked to break the silence.

Sean answered booth and Maria nodded. Sean led the way to one of the empty booths away from the diner’s windows and with good sight lines of the various entryways. Steve was sure that Sean’s choice was deliberate. Steve kicked himself mentally again for not realizing the kid’s mother was something more than just an analyst given Sean’s subtle tactical awareness.

Maria’s breathing relaxed slightly making Steve realize she was more nervous than she was letting on. Sean didn’t seem aware of either of their discomfort with the whole situation, and Steve found himself almost happy that the kid was exhausted. Sean at his best probably would have picked up on the under-currents and Steve knew he didn’t have the energy to deal with that level of awkward.

Steve took one side of the booth, and Maria slide into the other far enough to leave plenty of room for Sean. Looking at the two of them seated together Steve couldn’t understand how he missed the family resemblance. Sean’s brow and the press of his lips were exactly the same as his mother’s. They both held themselves with the same quiet strength, and Steve knew they shared the same prescient ability to access a situation and reach accurate conclusions.

Steve’s nervousness continued, and Maria was just as unsettled. They understood what their relationship was when they were at work, or fulfilling their professional roles, but this meeting was totally personal. Under Steve’s nerves, hidden deep, was the knowledge that Steve wanted the life that strangers would assume he was living. A life where he and Maria were tired because of normal things, and Sean had broken his arm at soccer. It was easy to imagine watching Sean’s games, listening to NPR over breakfast, holding Maria’s hand as they went for a walk after dinner.

“Regular for you Sean? Maria?” Doris’s question helped make the whole thing feel a little more normal.

“Yes, please. Can I get a large milkshake? I need the calcium.” Steve swiftly hid his amusement at the kid’s milking of his injury. Maria blatantly rolled her eyes just like Sean did when he thought Steve was being uncool, but she nodded her okay to Doris.

“Just coffee for me.”

Doris ignored Maria’s small order, “I’ll add extra toast, do you want some eggs too? You look like you could use some real food.”

“I’m fine--”

Steve interrupted, “Scrambled eggs, homefries, and tomatoes, plus toast and a shake” Maria’s eyes narrowed. “For me. Healing takes energy. I might share if you ask nicely.” Steve added a cheeky grin at the end that made Maria’s eyes narrow farther. Steve would eat the eggs and potatoes, but he was hoping that once the plate was in front of Maria she would be enticed to have some.

“Are you still hurt?” Sean asked after Doris left with their orders.

Steve shook his head. “Pretty much back to normal. I will eat a couple more meals than I normally do for the next few days.”

Maria snorted quietly. She was well aware of Steve’s normal appetite, which was already twice what most people ate in a week. After an injury, and the serum’s fast healing, Steve could eat ten thousand calories a day without breaking a sweat.

Sean nodded sagely, and continued. “Is that because of the serum?”

“Yeah, I ate like a bird before.” Steve responded. Unlike Bucky, he had never gone through any real growth spurts and hadn’t needed much food, though Sarah always tried to feed him up and spent more money than she should have on real milk and fresh oranges. “Let me see your cast.”

Sean pulled off his sweatshirt revealing a cast that ran from his palm up to almost his shoulder. “I broke it in three places. The doctors said I was really lucky I didn’t need surgery.”

Steve nodded. He wanted to ask exactly what happened, however he held his tongue because he didn’t want to take the kid back to yesterday. Sean and Maria both seemed tired and worn down, but overall okay. Steve hoped that was the case because he knew how easy it was for shock to mask trauma.

“So what do you want me draw on your cast?” Steve asked instead.

“I don’t know.”

Doris came back by with shakes for Steve and Sean and Maria’s coffee.

Steve thanked Doris, and continued after she left, “Well, I came prepared.” Steve pulled a dozen new sharpies out of his bag.

“Cool! Mom and I talked about it last night when I was waiting for the cast. I…” Sean’s voice trailed off and he looked at Steve shyly before glance at his mom.

“Go on,” Maria didn’t add anything else, though she gave her son a small supportive smile.

Sean exhaled more than spoke, “I was thinking I want it to be Captain America themed.”

Steve choked on a mouthful of his milkshake. He had not been expecting Sean to say that. Once he cleared his throat, he asked, “Are you sure? I could do the Cubs or you playing soccer...Robots cooking.”

“Robots cooking?” Sean interrupted perplexed.

“One of Tony’s less brilliant ideas,” Steve explained. “You know I don’t care what you choose, right?”

Sean nodded emphatically, “I don’t want it because you’re Captain America...I mean I do…”

The kid stopped and took a deep breath. Maria watched him carefully and pulled him into a side hug and lightly kissed his hair.

“MOM!” Sean exclaimed while shrugging out of her hug. He actually did look more confident after his mother’s gesture, but Steve assumed the twelve year old wasn’t totally into having him mother kiss him in public. Maria seemed unperturbed by her son’s outrage.

“I mean I liked Captain America before because he fights bullies and does what’s right. And he punched Hitler.”

Steve sighed, “ I didn’t actually punch Hitler. I punched a very nice actor named Harold who was playing Hitler.”

“Really?” Sean asked with evident curiosity.

“Yes.”

“Oh, thats cool. Can I tell my friend Alex? He has like all your comic books.”

Steve never thought of them as his comic books. However it seemed like a superfluous point to make at the moment.

Maria answered before Steve could reply, “You can tell Alex that your friend Steve told you that and he heard it from his grandpa.” Sean nodded when Maria stressed the part about it being his friend Steve. Sean seemed to be taking Steve’s identity in stride.

“So you want me to draw Captain America because he hit Hitler?” Steve asked, returning to the actual topic at hand.

“Not just because of that. I like him more now that I know he is my friend Steve.” Sean must have realized that Steve was confused. “Captain America is a hero, which is cool, but sort of impersonal, but then Mom told me that you are Captain America. You cheer for the Cubs with me, and you listen to me and you give really good advice.”

Steve had gotten a lot of compliments over the years, but Sean’s sweet and uncomplicated praise was by far the best since Sarah had died. “I thought that you would be angry,” Steve told the kid honestly.

“Because you didn’t tell me?” Sean asked. Steve nodded and looked to Maria for help. Maybe she would have a better understanding of her son’s reaction. Maria just met his eyes and smiled into her coffee mug. Sean shrugged, “It’s your job. Its not who you are. Isn’t that why you are against Registration?”

“Thats some of it.” Steve didn’t want to get into it at the moment so he shifted gears. “Okay so how much of your cast do you want me to cover?”

“All of it.”

Steve nodded. The kid lifted up his arm so Steve could examine his plaster canvas. After a few minutes Steve had a rough plan in mind. He got a chair for the kid and put it at the end of the booth so Steve had more space to work. Maria watched the whole process attentively and silently. Steve couldn’t get a read on her so he focused on Sean instead of letting his own questions about her reaction to the situation distract him.

When Doris came by with their food, Steve pushed the plate of eggs towards Maria, and gestured for her to help herself while he drew. Since Steve was busy it wasn’t like they were actually sharing a plate, and Steve discreetly checked to make sure she listened to him. When she ate exactly half the plate of food, Steve told her to finish it and he would order more when he was done with his drawing.

The only sound while Steve worked was the quiet crunching of the kid eating his toast, and the occasional inky squeak of Steve’s pen across the plaster. At one point Steve glanced up to see that Sean was intently watching the scene that Steve was creating. When Steve looked over to Maria he saw that she was watching just as avidly. Unlike her son, though Maria’s gaze was on his hands and not the picture he was drawing. Her cheeks were tinged with pink and her eyes dark with attraction.

Maria realized Steve was looking at her, her cheeks flushed a deep ruddy glow, and Steve felt her desire sweep over him, making him a thousand times more aware of her subtle perfume. He nudged his foot forward until their legs were touching. Maria looked up at the touch, and he knew when their eyes locked that his own gaze mirrored the lust that he could see in her normally icy irises.

Steve’s fingers loosened around his pen, and it when clattering to the floor, breaking his eyelock with Maria, though their legs stayed entangled.

“Everything okay Steve?” Sean asked concerned.

Steve answered in one long run on breath, as he bent down to pick up the Sharpie, “Yeah. Fine. I just got distracted.” Maria coughed slightly as she sipped her coffee. Steve wanted to check on her, but Steve refused to look at her while the kid was watching them.

“You okay, Mom?”

“Yep, just went down the wrong pipe.” Maria sounded much more normal than Steve had when she answered Sean’s question. Steve still didn’t look at her since he was already struggling to keep a straight face. Instead he returned to finishing the scene that he was drawing on Sean’s cast.

When he capped his last sharpie, Sean excitedly asked, “Are you done?”

“Yeah, what do you think?”

“It’s awesome! Look, Mom, Steve drew Captain America playing baseball at Wrigley Field,” Sean’s excitement and awe over Steve’s fast comic was pretty good fuel for Steve’s ego. Steve had taken some liberties to convey the image’s meaning, but he thought it told the story of Captain America hitting a homerun for the Cubs pretty well. He used the ball flying through the air to create fireworks and shooting stars across the top third of Sean’s cast.

“It looks like General Talbot threw a stinker of a pitch.” Maria observed sardonically, before continuing more sincerely, “Buddy, I am sure Steve would appreciate a thank you.”

Sean quickly followed her subtle direction. “Oh, yeah. Thanks Steve. It’s really cool.”

“You’re welcome kid.” Steve reached over and ruffled Sean’s hair. Sean just rolled his eyes at Steve’s affectionate move.

“Sean why don’t you go show Doris and Eddie back in the kitchen. I am sure they will like it too.” Maria suggested.

Sean leveled one of his evaluating stares at his mother. Maria met him with her own look of stubborn command. “You want to talk to Steve without me overhearing?” Sean asked when Maria wouldn’t back down.

“Yes, son.” Maria answered unequivocally.

“Okay. Let me know when I can come back. Can I have another milkshake--”

“No, and it won’t take long.”

“Sure. Thanks again Steve,” said Sean as he stood up and wandered over to the counter to show Doris the drawing.

Maria waited until Sean was out of earshot and engrossed in his conversation with Doris before she spoke. “Thanks for that. He needs something good to remember about all of this.”

“He’s not the only one.” Steve said without thinking.

Maria shared Steve’s sad grimace, “It was a bad day.”

“Tied for worst three of my life.” Maria’s brows arched with her unspoken question. “My mom dying, and the day Bucky fell off the train.”

Maria’s eyes widened at his list. If she hadn’t realized how much Steve cared about her son, she certainly knew now. After a moment, Maria changed the conversation, “So I guess you have some questions?”

Steve nodded because he did have questions, but he wasn’t sure if the answers really mattered. “Uh, how long have you known that I was friends with Sean?”

“Since right after he got suspended,” Maria met his eyes as she spoke. “Before that Doris mentioned that he had made a friend with another regular. She didn’t seem concerned, and Sean is a friendly kid, and he has a good gut. So I hadn’t given it much thought”

“How did you find out?” Steve followed up because Maria’s first answer didn’t explain much.

“Sean told me that he thought his friend Steve at the diner was a former SHIELD tactical operative. Actually he thought you were probably on a strike team. He said you were too direct to be a spy and had special forces training.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up at the kid’s intelligent and correct guess. Maria sighed, “Yeah, he figured out Santa wasn’t real when he was four but kept the ruse going for three years because he thought I cared about it. I think the only reason he didn’t make the connection with your alter-ego, is that Captain America isn’t a real person to him. Anyway, I asked Nat to look into it. She told me.”

Steve shook his head slightly at that. Typical Nat to have not told him the full story yesterday. “You’re okay with it?”

Steve must have sounded more concerned than he wanted to let on because Maria reached across the counter and took one of his hands. “Steve, I am not sure that I want Captain America around my kid, but I can’t think of a better person than Steve Rogers to be his friend and care about him. Sean is a friendly kid, but he doesn’t really let people get close.”

Steve almost grinned at that observation. “Pot meet kettle,” he said with a little wave of his free hand.

Maria did smile back and gave his hand a squeeze and released it before going on, “I know, and...I should be honest here, SHIELD’s shrinks kept sending up reports that you needed to make more human connections. I stopped worrying as much when you started hanging out with Sam, but the reports said you needed relationships with people who weren’t your age and former soldiers. They kept saying that you needed community and family. I wouldn’t have chosen my son for the job, but it seemed to work for both of you.”

Steve nodded. He knew that Maria would never use Sean to accomplish a mission. The care that she had put into keeping his existence private made it clear where her priorities were when it came to her son. Maria would only have let it go on because she thought that it was good for Sean to spend time with Steve.

“You didn’t want to be my connection to the world?” Steve couldn’t keep himself from asking.

Maria answered immediately, “What I wanted was unimportant Steve. I couldn’t be that person for you.”

“Because of Sean?”

Maria laughed, “I think Sean would be all for it.” Her tone grew more serious, “Steve, I was your boss.”

It was more than that, and Steve understood. Maria had worked twice as hard for half as much credit. Men ignored her competency and intelligence, and paid too much attention to her pretty face and lithe body. Natasha used that behavior to her advantage, counting on men looking at her face while she pulled out a gun. Maria had chosen a different tact, and ignored her gender at work until others did so too.

Steve thought about her exact words, and asked with surprise and concern, “Was?”

“You haven’t been to the Tower or the compound yet, have you?” Maria didn’t ask, so much as made a statement followed by a short sigh.

“No, I stayed at Clint’s place in Bed-Stuy.” Steve left it at that. Last night he couldn’t handle the idea of having to listen to Tony expound on the necessity of Registration. Tony’s dealt with his mistakes and feelings by throwing himself into a new project. Steve knew he was guilty that they hadn’t gotten to Nitro sooner, and Tony was now feeding that guilt into his support for Registration and the Accord.

Maria nodded, and Steve guessed that she understood. “What happened yesterday put a fuse to the whole Registration situation. I won’t be the person that starts this war.”

“There doesn’t need to be any war,” Steve said with all the conviction in his heart.

Maria stared at him, “Steve, two hours ago, I was given the command to bring in the Winter Soldier with whatever force was necessary. I think the preference was for more force than less.”

Steve balked at her words. “Bucky didn’t do anything--

“That’s not the issue Steve,” Maria interrupted gently, “The issue is whether he poses a threat to the human population.”

“What did you do?” Steve asked, though he suspected he knew exactly what Maria decided to do when she was backed into a corner.

“I resigned.” Maria sighed at Steve’s low whistle. “SHIELD isn’t the Marines. And, its a stupid commander who gives an order they know will be refused.”

“Are you saying the U.N. is stupid for giving you the command?”

“No, Steve,” Maria paused and rubbed her eyes in an unusual physical display of nerves. “My orders were to tell you to pick up the Winter Soldier and to kill him if he wouldn’t come in. I knew you would refuse that command.”

Steve nodded slowly. Maria was right of course. He would never follow that order.

Maria squared her shoulders, and continued, “I might believe in Registration, but I won’t be the commander who has to track you down for not following orders. Maybe they thought you would listen to me because of your feelings, but it’s likelier they would blame my failure on my feelings for you. Easy way to get rid of me and the blame for the stupid order at the same time.”

All the blood drained from Steve’s face as he realized that his feelings for Maria and his relationship with her son had put her in exactly the position she had been trying to avoid. “Maria, I never meant for this to happen.”

“I know.” Maria said, and Steve did hear her faith in him and belief that no matter what he would never have meant for her career to be the victim of his actions.

“Maybe if I didn’t have Sean I would’ve followed the order.” Maria shrugged her shoulders, “But, I don’t want my kid to ask me why I gave the order that started a stupid war.”

Steve nodded. “What happens now?”

Steve knew though. There would be sides, factions, battles, betrayals, deaths, and negotiations and all the other horrible sundry results of war. Maria might have opted out with her resignation, but Steve didn’t have that option. He imagined he was going to get an order in the next few hours that he was going to refuse, and in doing so he was going to start a war.

“I don’t know.” Maria smiled grimly at him, “I’m not your boss anymore.”

Steve laughed at her double entendre, but it wasn’t a happy sound. It wasn’t her job to predict the next disaster anymore or clean up his messes, and while that should have meant that there was chance for them, instead it was a sign of things ending. “I think it’s actually more complicated now.”

Maria shared his unhappy tone. “Yes.”

“What are you going to do?” Steve asked because he didn’t want to dwell on the fact that he would probably never had another chance to sit at a diner with Sean and Maria.

“One of my instructors at the War College teaches at Harvard. He keeps offering me a teaching fellowship. Something about shaping tomorrow’s politicians.” Maria didn’t sound enthusiastic about the option, but Steve knew that Harvard unlike Culver had largely stayed out of inhuman research. With her skill set and knowledge, everyone was going to try and pull Maria back into the game. Academia probably wasn’t a bad place to entrench herself while the war waged.

Steve sighed and realized that he had probably already spent too much time at the diner. “How long do you think I have?”

“A couple more hours. Maybe. Pepper and I made sure to deliver my resignation with as much obfuscation as possible.”

Steve laughed honestly at that. Maria and Pepper weren’t exactly friends but they shared a mutual respect for each other and excellent working relationship that tended to result in ambitious goals being accomplished in record time and with scary competence.

Maria added as an afterthought, “And, I know they weren’t expecting me to resign.”

Steve would never understand how Maria’s intelligence and independence was overlooked. The U.N. and the people who purportedly controlled the remains of SHIELD were idiots for only seeing Maria as a mindless cog, and never making the effort to understand her motivation and morals.

“I should say goodbye to Sean.” Steve said it to try and convince himself to tackle that hard task.

Maria nodded and took his hand again, “We don’t know how this is going to end. Good-byes don’t have to be forever.”

Steve gripped her fingers. “I know, but I won’t do anything to put you guys at risk.”

“I know Steve. Its why I trusted you with him in the first place. Its why I wished I wasn’t your boss.” Maria ran her thumb over his knuckles. Steve wanted to pull her hand closer, lean over the counter and kiss her. Just once so he could say that he did, so he could know how she tasted, but he knew it wasn’t the time or place for that. Maria met his eyes and looked away, “I’m going to go tell Doris not to worry if she doesn’t see us for a while. I’ll send Sean over.”

Steve held her hand for a moment longer and let go only when she tugged her fingers free as she stood.

Sean came over, but didn’t sit down. Instead he drew complicated circles on the formica tabletop before saying, “You’re leaving aren’t you?”

Steve was taken aback by the kid’s directness. He shouldn’t have been surprised, Sean was Maria’s son, but it was still startling to see all of her tenacious deductive reasoning in a twelve year old. “Yeah, kid. How did you know?”

“There was an analyst on the radio while I was talking to Doris. She said that what happened yesterday is going to result in drastic support to implement Registration as soon as possible and that anyone who opposes it will find themselves on the wrong side of the law.”

Steve sighed. The analysis was bombastic, but accurate according to what Maria just told him. “Kid, I wish I could stay here with you, and just be Steve Rogers, but I can’t.”

Sean nodded, “I know. I just...I’ll miss you.”

“I will miss you too, Sean.” Steve had a moment of inspiration. “Hey, let’s make a deal. Every time we miss each other we eat cinnamon toast and chocolate shakes.”

Sean smiled broadly at the idea. “Okay! Deal.” To make his point Sean stuck out his hand so he and Steve could shake on it.

Steve stood up and put his hand around the kid’s shoulders as they started to walk to counter where Maria and Doris were waiting.

“Hey, Steve?” Sean asked quietly.

“Yeah, kid?” Steve assumed Sean had a follow up question to their deal.

“When you told me about your crush you were talking about my mom, weren’t you?”

Steve really thought about denying his feelings, but Sean already knew Steve wasn’t much of a liar and Steve wanted the kid to know the truth. He wanted Sean to know that someone saw all of Maria and cared about her because of her complications and sharp edges.

“Yeah.”

Sean grinned at the admission and lifted his chin just a bit like he always did when he was right. “Cool. You know, she likes you, too.”

* * *

Steve looked at the half eaten toast and almost finished chocolate milkshake that he had arranged on the table. The dishware was standard diner fare, and the formica table top was the same in countless diners across the country. Nothing in the composition was unique enough to give away his location, and the food’s message would be lost on everyone else.

Satisfied with the stilllife, Steve snapped a photo, and manually entered Sean’s cell phone number and clicked send.

Less than a minute later, Steve’s phone buzzed with an incoming picture of an empty seat at a diner’s counter.

Steve had no problem understanding Sean’s response.

“Ready to go?” Sam reached into his wallet and pulled out cash to cover his coffee and Steve’s snack.

Steve nodded and scooted out of the booth as he pulled his ball cap a little lower. The truck stop diner was rundown enough not to have any security cameras as far as he could tell, but no reason to be too relaxed.

His phone buzzed right before he reached the door with another incoming text. Steve couldn’t stop grinning as soon as he read the short message. He read it twice more before he discreetly crushed his phone in one hand and nonchalantly threw the electronic debris away in the trashcan that he passed.

Sam noticed Steve’s smile as he unlocked their nondescript sedan, “What’s got you so happy?”

“Nothing. Can we stop at Best Buy? I need a new burner phone,” Steve said as he got into the passenger seat. He waited a beat before adding, “And Maria says hi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I borrowed some elements from the start of the Civil War in the comic book universe. Anything you recognize obviously doesn't belong to me. 
> 
> Thanks for reading everyone! Its done for now, but maybe I will check in with Sean and Maria once the Civil War is over.

**Author's Note:**

> So I started this last year for my trope bingo card. It was suppose to be a short one shot. Yeah, that's not what happened. Let me know if you liked it. Thanks for reading!


End file.
